Southernism of the Day

Bless her/his/your/heart

What a versatile expression! It can be uttered as sincere concern or used to cover your *ss when you've delivered an insult.

Example 1
sincere concern: "When does your Mama get out of the hospital, bless her heart?"

Example 2
covering your *ss: "He ain't got the sense God gave a turnip, bless his heart."

To further emphasize the fact that you are not really 'talking bad about someone', this phrase can be combined with another popular qualifier:

I don't mean to be ugly, but...

Example: "I don't mean to be ugly, but her youngun's are about the homeliest I've ever seen, bless their hearts."

Knitting Angst, Revisited

I am very frustrated with my slow progress. I know, I know, I can't expect to be great at something I have only been doing for a month, but I really should be further along. I frogged the green rectangle due to dropped stitches and messy edges. *sigh* When will I have a completed project to post? When, I ask?! (shakes fists at the heavens)

Perhaps I have too many irons in the fire. Gee, ya' think?! Knitting, sewing, weaving, photography...that's alot to learn all at once. But I had to get started before I begin grad school and certainly before we have a child. Having a job really interferes with my hobbies.

On the upside, my family is coming to visit this weekend. We're going to see a play and fish and just hang out. Yea! I can show off my skirt and get some oohs and aahs. That'll give me a boost.

In less than 2 weeks DH and I will be on vacation. No worries!

Useless Trivia, an Autobiography

Facts about Me, Mother of Purl

I have broken a rib, an ankle, my pelvic bone and collapsed a lung, all in the same day.

I am allergic to pewter.

My favorite place is Wyoming.

I play the clarinet. I tried to play French horn, but couldn't take all the spit issues. Which brings me to #5,

I have a saliva phobia.

I drink ALOT of water. Straight out of the tap.

There are 5 words which no one should ever utter in my presence. None of them is a swear word.

I want to visit the Mother Country, Ireland. Oh, and also Scandinavia.

Most days I don't wear make-up.

I contemplated joining the Navy.

I was a Spanish major prior to discovering archaeology.

I've been to 19 states: AL, GA, FL, LA, MS, NC, VA, TN, NV, WY, ID, TX, UT, NM, CO, AR, AZ, WI, IL plus Washington, D.C.

I've had a flying insect get stuck in my ear. Talk about freaking out.

I have been to Disneyworld 3 times.

I never had braces on my teeth.

I hate it when someone touches my big toes. Hence, no pedicures for me.

I can yell as loud as any drill sergeant.

I am a klutz.

I like crows. They're smart birds.

I want a hairless rat, yet I am generally repulsed by varmints.

I remember my dreams every morning.

I used to live in a house with 4 snakes, 7 poison dart frogs, 1 red-eyed tree frog, 1 gecko, 1 bearded dragon and 2 chameleons.

I am right handed but open jars with my left hand.

I have eaten and promptly spit out Vegemite.

When I was a kid I was fascinated with Mae West, which worried my parents a bit.

I loathe pantyhose and high heels.

If my husband would let me I'd have multiple dogs and cats. He won't.

I want to raise chickens and alpacas.

I can't pronounce the names Roy or Troy without extreme difficulty.

I love to write with pencils.

I want to learn to sword fight.

When I was a kid I ate azaleas. Yeah, I know they're poisonous, but I did not know that at the time.

Stuff I Could Eat or Drink My Weight In

1. fruit, any kind, prepared any way
2. oysters
3. crab
4. mushrooms
5. Vietnamese spring rolls
6. collard greens
7. sweet corn
8. tomatoes
9. red Twizzlers
10. beef jerky
11. Panera's multi grain bread
12. chocolate
13. vanilla malt
14. Pim's raspberry cookies
15. red velvet cake
16. Cinnabon cinnamon rolls
17. gumbo
18. ceviche
19. field peas
20. my Mom's chicken and wild rice soup and her cornbread dressing
21. Coke/Dr. Pepper
22. real lemonade
23. Yoo-hoo
24. cream soda
25. pancakes
26. French toast
27. my great-grandmother's biscuits
28. McDonald's cheeseburgers

Stuff I Really Do Not Love ... At All

1. cry babies
2. pessimists
3. one-upsmanship
4. migraines
5. alcoholism
6. cancer
7. poor grammar/spelling
8. living in the suburbs
9. Brussels sprouts
10. chicken livers
11. meetings
12. talking on the phone
13. reality T.V.
14. Wal Mart
15. the color orange
16. sleeping with my back to a door
17. beds pushed against a wall
18. pop-up ads
19. telemarketers
20. my hair
21. Paris Hilton
22. W
23. shaving

Stuff I Totally Love

1. kittens
2. puppies
3. puppy breath
4. knitting
5. weaving
6. sewing
7. archaeology
8. living history
9. Amazon.com
10. Ebay
11. blogging
12. reading blogs
13. fountain pens
14. oscillating fans
15. air conditioning
16. fake nails
17. old blue jeans
18. reading
19. movies with happy endings
20. sunrise
21. traveling
22. hair extensions
23. learning new things
24. aromatherapy
25. foo-foo bath stuff
26. gardens
27. online shopping
28. taking photographs
29. making people laugh
30. old buildings
31. old people
32. fire
33. water
34. Spanish moss
35. cemeteries
36. Alibris.com
37. Halloween
38. Christmas
39. Science Fiction
40. CSI - Vegas

Southernism of the Day

Buggy

Function: Noun; shopping cart

Example: "Last time I went to Winn Dixie I bought so much Busch Light I had to use a buggy."

Retraction

I would like to retract an earlier statement in which I claimed to be a crocheter. That claim was made prematurely and has proved to be inaccurate. When I got to the end of the first row of (uneven) stitches I couldn't turn around. Just could not figure out the instructions for how to do it. So I only have four hobbies. I'll put off learning crochet until I can knit without dropping stitches. Lord only knows how long that'll take.

On the upside, I wore my skirt to work today and I got alot of compliments on it. Cladee even bought some fabric so I can make her one too. Can you believe it? WOW

Hot Damn!

Today I graduated from Remedial Knitting for "special" students to Regular Knitting 101. Yea! The trick, it turns out, is to use wooden needles and coarser yarn. Aluminum needles + fancy, soft yarn = knitting angst. Perhaps when I am a more mature fiber artist I will be able to use soft yarn, but until then it's all about the cheap stuff 'cause it makes me look good. Happy coincidence.

I say, is that stockinette stitch? Indeed.

All hail the wooden sticks!

My green skein has an "outie".

I was beginning to think that I was too stoooopid to knit. Good thing I swam instead of sinking 'cause I've got LOTS of yarn. And I would hate to have wasted all that money. (Note to my husband: most of it was on clearance, if that helps.)

The Accidental Banana Hammock

What happened?! I keep getting worse instead of better. Let me just list the things that are wrong with this piece.

1. I started out with 10 stitches per row and ended up with 20 per row.
2. I was supposed to be alternating knitting and purling every row but I can't remember what I just did 2 seconds ago, so I've got big chunks of each stitch. The row counter was not helpful.
3. Look at those loopy, messy edges! I used the "slip the first loop off without stitching it" technique for a while, then swithced to knitting the first stitch of every row. Neither method produced the desired result, as you can see in the second photo.
4. I admit, I was watching T.V. while I knit this. Note to self: Don't. Ever.
5. Last, but not least, it looks like a banana hammock! Cod piece. Male stripper g-string. Call it what you like. I call it FROGGED!
   
   
   We all knew this would be painful, right? Documenting every failure as well as success is supposed to give me a sense of accomplishment and help others who endeavor to try their hand at fiber arts.

But it's so tempting to only show you the good stuff. Of course, if I did that, I'd never have any pictures to post! Haha!

Here we go, one more 'gin.

Southernism of the Day

Fixin'

Function 1: Verb, To get set : be on the verge

Example: We're fixin' to leave soon.

Function 2: Noun, Customary accompaniments.

Example: We had a turkey dinner with all the fixins.

Sewing Attempt Successful (mostly)

Click on View All Images (above) to see captions in another window.

It took most of the afternoon, but I made a skirt! This was my very first try at sewing something. Not bad if I do say so myself. Of course, I still need to work on sewing in a STRAIGHT LINE, and thinking through the instructions before I stitch and how to better incorporate a zipper, but all in all, I'm kinda proud. I plan to wear it to church tomorrow. Maybe people won't laugh at it too hard. Woo-hoo!

Southernism of the Day

PIDDLIN'

Function: Adjective Small or inferior. Example: "His work only gave him a piddlin' 1% raise.

Function: Adverb Poorly. Example: "She felt piddlin' so she didn't go to school."

Function: Verb To waste time. Example: He spent all his time piddlin' around and never got anything done."

From Amanda Galiano's Southern Slang Dictionary

R.I.P.

As much as I enjoy the sensation of ripping out stitches that took hours of my time, I truly regret that I must start anew. (insert expletive here)

Death and life, life and death...My chives are rejuvenating but my knitting efforts have expired. Do I hear TAPS playing in the distance? Ah well, it's all about learning. As Cladee said earlier, Rome wasn't built in a day. The upshot is I recognize my mistakes each time I make them. :)

I will begin again.

Phoenix Rising

Like a Phoenix rising from the ash, my chive plants have sprung to life! I can't believe they've come back! Amazing what a little precipitation can do. These babies are better than aloe plants! Tenacious little suckers, aren't they? Wow. I think I'll buy lots more chives so I can appear to have a healthy relationship with green things. Haha! VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Southernism of the Day

RECKON

Function: Verb

Origin: Middle English rekenen, from Old English -recenian (as in gerecenian to narrate, akin to Old English reccanDate: 13th century1 : Count Example: To reckon the days till Christmas 2 : to regard or think of as : Consider 3 : Think, suppose

Example: "I'm starvin! I reckon I'll get me somethin' to eat."

From Amanda Galiano's Southern Slang Dictionary

Gettin' My Knit On

The knitting hobby is totally under way. There are two "efforts" going on simultaneously, but I think it's time to lay the first one to rest. I learned with inkle weaving that I do, in fact, get better each and every time I do it. As I am not OCD, I have taken shots of these less than perfect efforts to show you my progression. Just think how proud we'll be when I actually knit something like a sweater. Then we'll all look back with nostalgia and laugh at these pitiful attempts.

Okay, the photo above bravely documents my first time knitting more than two rows without having to rip it out. Notice the scary holes in it. Notice the even scarier loopy, uneven edges. As you can see, I got the purl stitch down and utilized it here. The problem is, I can't seem to pay attention long enough to remember if I just purled a row or knitted a row. I haven't learned to tell the difference until I'm several rows out. I put the bottom needle into it to stretch it out and show you better.

Now for effort 2:

Progress was made in effort 2. My edges are a little neater thanks to a co-worker who taught me a cool end stitch. There is only one hole that I can see. The worst mistake would have to be that I knitted with my tail strand once or twice. D-oh! You can kinda see it on the left in the second photo. Gotta watch that. Now what is going on with the rounded edges? There may have been some angry knitting goin' on. But that is getting better, too.

May I recommend Debbie Stoller's book Stitch 'N Bitch if you're interested in learning to knit. Now these are instructions I can relate to! Ms. Stoller breaks it all down for you with a sense of humor and in plain English. I find it easier to understand than some other knitting instruction books I've read. She has at least two other books on knitting and one for learning crochet. Buy it, man!

Southernism of the day

TUMP

Function: Verb

Origin: perhaps akin to British dialect tumpoke to fall head over heels

To tip or turn over, especially accidentally.

Example: Don't tump over that glass of tea!

From Amanda Galiano's Southern Slang Dictionary

Stitchin' Status

I spent some time today with yarn, needles and hook. Here is what I've learned.

1. Despite my numerous declarations to the contrary, I CANNOT knit , weave or crochet while watching a movie.
2. Cladee lied when she said crochet was easier than knitting. Guess she just wanted to screw with me.
3. When I get to the end of a row of stitches, whether knitting or crocheting, I spaz out and FROG (unravel it all) like a madwoman.
4. Using variegated yarn is beneficial when learning to knit or crochet.
5. Patience really IS a virtue.
6. I have (just about) mastered the purl stitch.
7. Knitting and crochet is not very easy to learn from a book with two dimensional figures. Maybe they should print these instructions so you can use 3-D glasses to read them. Then the picture of the hook and yarn would ACTUALLY MAKE SOME SENSE.

I did not get around to trying out the sewing patterns, but there's always tomorrow. I got sidetracked when I went out to run errands. And by sidetracked I mean there are sales galore at the mall Mama needs a new bra! Well, not anymore because my friends at JC Penney helped me with that. I really shouldn't get so excited when I purchase a bra and socks. But since we're on the subject, let me just tell you (if there are any men reading this, you may want to bypass this next part) that having - as one catalog so delicately put it - an over ample bust on a small frame is soooooo unfair. Underwire is your enemy and closest ally. I am now to the point that I'm buying bras in boxes. You know the ones that are in the cube o'drawers in the department stores? They don't even put them on racks with the rest of the bras because no one wants to see that. Oh yes, I'm talking about 18-Hour bras. Cotton, wide straps, seamless, no underwire and back straps about half a foot wide with three industrial strength hooks. And, oh! There's a bow in the middle to make it "pretty" and "feminine". How hot is that?! Grrrrr.......

Four down, one to go

Hooray for hobby #4! I'm a crocheter! Is that a word?


Cladee patiently taught me how to tie a slip knot, make cable stitches and double crochet stitches. I screwed it up and had to pull it out about 17 times but eventually I made something that resembled actual crochet. As with my knitting, I was all over it "angry-style" until I realized I couldn't get the hook through the really tight stitches. After relaxing and channeling my inner Brighid I improved somewhat. Thanks, Cladee!



Also, my local yarn shop is going out of business (bad) and is having a 50% off sale (good). I've never seen high dollar yarn before - and so much of it! I think I touched every hank, skein and cone in the store. I found some particularly soft and squishy yarn that I wanted to roll around naked in but I couldn't afford that much good yarn. Instead, I bought three skeins of Plymouth yarn Baby Alpaca Brush in a gorgeous copper/brown color. I have no clue as to what I will make out of it. Sound familiar? Should I knit it or crochet it? Should I weave it? Should i make a hat or a purse or a scarf or a big fat square?

I JUST DON'T KNOW!!

The problem with scarves, mittens and the like is that down here in the Deep South we have little need of such accessories. We knitters must think outside the box with regard to our creative endeavors. Now if I can just get the hang of sewing I will be a bona fide fiberartfreak! Don't hold your breath.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Once upon a time, my husband told me that he would like to see me get a hobby, something to keep me occupied and happy. While I had several interests, there was nothing I could claim as a hobby, per se. But as I told him last week,

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

I now have no less than 3 1/2 hobbies: photography, weaving and knitting. The half is made up of sewing and crocheting. The two combined don't equal a whole (yet!) because I haven't technically attempted them. But I own a new sewing machine (thank you, Sears!) and several crochet hooks (thank you, Cladee!) so that must mean they are also my new hobbies. I have "practiced sewn" a bit with an old cloth napkin. Sewing a straight line is much more difficult than one would assume, by the way. I bought a pattern for a purse and also one for a skirt. This weekend I hope to start on one of them and I assure you, I will photodocument each painful step of the way.

My yummy friend Cladee gave me several crochet hooks and some pretty, variegated yarn today. She left it all on my desk at work with a note that read "Get your crochet on." And I intend to. She is a gifted crocheter who has watched me suffer through trying to knit. I guess she decided that I need to start with something that requires only one implement that is not pointy. She insists that crochet is easier than knitting, so I will believe her and give it a shot. I eagerly await becoming a multi-fiber artist!

I thought knitting would be relaxing, but I only seem to be able to perform the "angry knitting" technique. My stitches are so tight they don't even move up and down the needle. Maybe I'm concentrating too hard. I'm sure that as I get better it will be more relaxing. I confess, I was inspired by Crazy Aunt Purl's blog. Crazy Aunt Purl

I stumbled upon it while browsing fiber arts/knitting blogs and now I'm completely addicted to it. That Crazy Aunt Purl is a hoot!

Hope to have some cool photos to show you after this weekend.

This cool cartoon can be found at Natalie Dee's awesome website.

Nature in the Suburbs

For the past few days it's been like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom in our backyard. A mockingbird made a nest in the tree-like bush outside our back door and now there is a baby bird living in the backyard and Mamabird is feeding it. One of the little guys didn't make it, but looks like his brother did well. So this post is a bit photo-intensive, but this doesn't happen every day in my back yard!

Now we just have to hope that no stray cats or dogs realize what's going on here. By the way, I apologize for the blurry images, but I was a bit excited and it happened really fast!